Changes

This picture shows my little girl exactly who she is. She is always smiling, she has that personality that lights up anyone’s day. Even when she’s upset she can make you smile if you are the one that needs a cheer up. This picture was taken moments before we had to shave her hair off because it was patches underneath the hat. I cannot bear to see her without a hat on now because it’s just a huge reminder that she’s going thru cancer. I don’t take pictures of her to share or even really at all because once we get thru this I do not want to remember. I have a few that in case I need to remind her how strong she was since young, but not like before. It may be bad of me to chose this way of being or handling her situation but she doesn’t even wonder why I stopped snapping pictures of her since I’m always doing something with her or taking care of the house she doesn’t even miss it honestly. I felt the need to share tho, it could be because I want to just vent a bit that these changes are challenging. To some people it’s “just hair” but for me it’s just more real, as odd as it may sound, it’s been very hard for me to accept this whole thing with my little girl but the more I can visibly cover it up the more I can feel like regular life. With her hair gone and a scarf on all day it just reminds me that she’s going thru this, its very difficult to be strong with a reminder in front of you. Although, I guess it wasn’t that hard to cover it up with the hair all over her pillow, all over the floor, all over the couch… yeah it’s just not easy and it doesn’t get any easier just more manageable? If that makes sense. Anyway, I think there’s many parents out there going thru their own version of difficult changes and challenges and I just want to say that you are not alone. It’s hard to imagine that you love your baby that much and they’re going thru so much and there are parents with perfectly healthy babies and they don’t show them they love or care for them. Everyday we are with our kids it’s a blessing, whether you believe in god(s) or don’t believe, you know that the love for your kid is REAL. If any parent out there wants to share any tips to cope or ideas that helped them you are welcome to. No matter what we have to be strong, do it for your “Brianna.”💛

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